What’s next?

Deer in headlights.

Well, what IS next? Are you all wondering?…Me too.

I may have been in far too much thought than my head can handle these past few weeks since I’ve been back home. I’ve also gotten used to NOT kissing people on the cheek when I see them, and used to the fact that it’s easier for me to participate in conversation now that everyone speaks english. I no longer have any excuses. And “shy” isn’t gonna cut it anymore. I’m too old for that business. Being with the family and James has been lovely. It’s weird that it doesn’t even feel like I left sometimes, but my Mom is sure to remind me that I was gone for quite a long time.

I’ve finally finished up last minute things for school. Oh, then I graduated yesterday. You know what it felt like? It didn’t feel much like anything in the moment. I didn’t even actually get my diploma. They’ll send it in the mail in a couple months. And then, maybe it will feel something like relief. I got to wear a funny outfit, and it was cool hearing my name get announced over the microphone, while shaking the president’s hand. Sure – It wasn’t bad. They also gave me some gold cords for my neck to remind me that trying to get good grades is good for something – gold cords. I’m just kidding. I know it was a good accomplishment, and that I should be proud, but I can’t help but think about what the next thing is…whatever it is. A new challenge. A new mountain to climb…Maybe I should enjoy a little rest first after the roughest 2 years ever (not just school-wise)? Alright…a little rest for a little while anyways, but then I gotta find a job. Or make a job. Or realize that I can’t get a job because no one is hiring and just go back to school.

Thoughts:

1. Part time job while tryin to start my own little fair trade business
2. Full time job in a non-profit arena
3. Full time job in whatever I can find that sounds enjoyable
4. Part time or full time easy (or hard?) job while getting a Masters in Business or International Development
5. Become a muralist and do admin work for my dad’s business
6. ???

I could use some wisdom, advice, questions and comments…

Let’s get coffee.

the middle of nowhere.

i’m gonna go for rambling, unplanned, sometimes misspelled, and grammatically incorrect writing on this one because i’m not sure where to begin, but if i at least begin at some point however lost it is, maybe i’ll get somewhere. bear with me, i don’t know where this is going…

i don’t really know what i think of poverty anymore. it’s kind of the same way i feel about christianity. i’ve sat and stared at it for so long that i don’t even recognize it anymore. it’s not something that i’m not interested in or not taken by, but it is something that continues to confuse me as i try to reach some kind of understanding that perhaps wasn’t really meant to be grasped. maybe. vague conclusions lead to more black and white and further vague conclusions. gray got grayer. christianity is a whole other topic all together, and i was just using the comparison to try to explain the feeling i have…hmph. so…poverty…thoughts?

there are those who have and don’t have – this has been my notion of what makes poverty for a while, but somehow i’m finding that this isn’t cutting it. i’ve met people with far less than i’ve ever had, but filled with more life than i can imagine having. i’ve had two moments in my life where the clashing realization brings me to tears and awe – i’m welcomed into a tiny little home, offered all the food that one is able to offer, and treated with sweetest hospitality by someone who would resort to eating just bread to save money to send their children to school… then they share their story, and it ends in how thankful they are for what they have. i can’t help but feel struck with something rich and warm. something rich. something i’ve missed.

there is some kind of blind perception in how we see people. i keep looking at the outside for explanations on why people are how they are, and who they are. one person makes $1 a day, doesn’t have running water, or electricity while trying to make ends meet on nothing. and someone else is in a coma from a drug overdose due to the self destruction with not having enough in having too much…..in the mix of illusions and misperceptions, maybe it isn’t about who has and doesn’t have at all. maybe its not about the rich and the poor. maybe it’s about the struggle of life that we all face – internal and external. we’re all human, facing battles, defeating, and being defeated by evils in whatever form it is that they take.

i’m not really sure what i’m trying to say…

….

in other news i spent the week in southern chile. it was a good time and i got to see some cool things and meet some great people.
you can check out some of the pictures here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2064525&id=196601711&l=b866c21ceb

Almost home. exciting!

Until next time,

Chao!

Strawberries.

It’s day 89, and it feels like I got here yesterday sometimes. Half of me wants time to fly faster, because I miss home, and the other part of me doesn’t want it to, not because I don’t want to be home of course, but because I’ve sort of had this realization. Maybe I should start over…

I get so much into thinking about the future and getting home to the things I miss, that sometimes I miss what is right in front of me in the now. I forget to live in the moment. It’s hard to live in the moment when you’re waiting for the future and getting carried away in day dreams. Don’t be mistaken, it might sound like I don’t like being here. I do. I’m learning a ton, and it’s been awesome to get more involved with the church. On the other hand, I do miss home, but thinking about being home doesn’t make home come any closer. So I’ve realized my schizophrenic emotional predicament and decided to try to focus on living in the moment, day by day. Right, I know what you’re thinking, “you’re so cliche, Rosey”. I know, but sometimes that’s ok….so stop judging me will ya?

I’m starting to get into the swing of things, and really enjoying the work. Mark keeps trying to convince me that I should stay longer and help, but I think the things I’m learning here I’ll take with me and use in future endeavors, even though I’m not sure what those might be yet. Someone else needs to come down and experience all this anyway. If you’re interested, Mark is looking for another intern – it’s awesome if you know spanish, but not necessarily required if you’re willing to take some extra time to learn it.

“create the moments one by one, I guess that’s how the future’s done…oooohhh…oohhhh” – “Mushaboom” Feist (Song of the week – Look it up)

Look around you today. Take it all in. Enjoy now.

I’ll be home soon.

Chao!

Responsibilidades

It’s been a long while since an update. My deepest apologies my friends 🙂 I guess I don’t realize how much time goes by. Speaking of time, I’ve passed the half way point. Day 70 was on Sept 8th, and as of today I have 62 more days to go! Time does fly.

I’ve been spending my recent time with a few added responsibilities, one of them being helping to coordinate the sunday night services for the younger crowd. For those of you who go to Willow and know what Axis is, it’s kinda sorta like that. It’s been pretty interesting to be involved with the church at this level. I never would have imagined I’d be doing something like it, but it’s been super fun. A little bit difficult of course, considering the spanish language barrier, but a lot of people speak some english too, so it helps when I find myself stuck.

The first weekend that I helped coordinate the service we were talking about the prophet Habakkuk. I wanted to add some creativity to it, so I decided to make a video for the service… It was my first attempt ever at the movie program on my mac, so don’t judge me too much. Also, youtube won’t let me have the music in the background that was originally there. If you know the song “Cold Water” by Damien Rice, that’s what is suppose to be playing in the background. It’s a lovely slow, sad piano kind of song.
This is the english version of the video. I personally like it in spanish better…I’m not sure why. But here it is for your viewing pleasure:

On top of coordinating services, I also help Mark keep his brain. haha. I’m just kidding, but I’ve become his note to self note taker I suppose 😉 I wish I could have one of those. I’m juggling a lot of different things, but it’s exciting. Getting checklists and reports together from some potential new Bolivian projects has been cool to see unfold. I’m a fan of gmail’s new to-do list feature. Super handy!

In other news, the 18th is independence day in Chile, so there are lots of festivities, empanada eating, and traditional dancing going on this week. It’s also required to put the flag on your house, otherwise you get a fine! How ironic 🙂 This week should be fun. I think I’m heading out tonight to watch some dancing and eat Chilean food. Good times 🙂

Thanks for all your support and prayers!

Until next time,

Chao Todos! Dios te bendiga 🙂

Blind vision

If you’re blind you use your sense of hearing and touch to figure out what is going on around you. These senses in a blind person might even be more acutely aware than the average person.

I’m trying to learn spanish, but I have no idea what people are saying sometimes, especially when they talk really fast. I’ve been noticing myself paying tons more attention to expressions, actions and voice inflation. I guess you could say that my discerning what people are saying by observation is increasing a ton. Sometimes I might not know what someone said specifically, but I can see in their body language and their tone what they mean.

The other day I played a game called two truths and a lie. In the game someone in the group tells two truths about themselves and one lie, and everyone else is suppose to guess which thing is the lie. 80% of the time I guessed which one was the lie! I don’t even speak spanish very well, let alone know the people I was playing with well enough to know their life history and whether or not they were telling the truth or not! Shew…

I’m paying crazy attention to how people talk, and not just what they’re saying. But after social events I’m usually tired from intense focus. If I’m really tired during a social event, I zone out into space and have no idea what is going on. I guess it’s an all focus or nothing deal really.

Anyway, I wish that everyone could experience something like this. Something kind of like “being blind” so to speak, just so they can see how much they can understand when they don’t understand anything at all.

I’m learning a lot.

What if it was your kid?

I don’t have kids. I don’t know what its like to have kids, but I have heard many stories about a parent’s love, and the things that they would do for them. It’s inspiring to say the least. And maybe people aren’t able to fully grasp what that love is like until they have kids of their own.

I over heard someone talking about this love from a different light…

“…and then you see the that little girl. she’s standing out in the rain. her feet are bare and her clothes are minimal. her teeth are chattering. she is alone, vulnerable and weak…

….What if she was YOUR kid? what would you do?”

This little question got me thinking.

I think a lot about poverty, injustice, and development. It could have to do with working for a non-profit relief and development org. for the past several years, but I’ve always gotten this deep, heart sinking feeling when I think about the poor and oppressed.

I’m not trying to sound pretentiously compassionate either…
Truth – I’ve been overwhelmed with thinking about it at times, even to the point of throwing out all thoughts about it all together and getting involved with something else much easier to think about, like writing children’s books. At times, I would rather not deal with the truth that such oppression, injustice and poverty actually exists. It often feels like a hopeless cycle, and I wonder why I got involved with it all in the first place. It becomes a burden.

Perhaps its in those moments of wanting to giving up that I need to remember what’s most important in all this work and thought in the first place…

If you’re looking out your window at the wet, shivering girl all alone in the street with no where to go, and you imagine that its YOUR little girl, and you begin to feel that …love….

It’s THAT love that carries you through. The kind of love that is unconditional and full of grace. The kind of love that He has for you, then overflowing and pouring out of you for your child…

and… for the little girl out in the rain,

and for the poor and oppressed.

You start to see people differently.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against people who write children’s books:)

Red pepper

It was fully my intention to keep up with this blog on a weekly basis. Specifically on Sundays, because my other favorite blog “Postsecret” also posts on Sundays, and reading it reminds me that I need to post something too. Unfortunately, I get lost in trying to tell you something inspiring or worthwhile, and end up not saying anything at all. Perhaps that is how I am in life though too. Its rather unfortunate actually, because I’m probably robbing the world (or a few people) of a good little something, even if it is not entirely significant. But even a little piece of red pepper can make you teary eyed. I know that from experience…

I’m a bit lost, not just with what to start this blog about, but also in my head and in my heart. Luckily I do know one thing. I’m in Santiago, Chile, South America. So at least I got that going for me, eh? I’m not sure I want to get vulnerable with this topic on the internet, so I’m going to talk about something else for a minute and maybe get back to it later…

Perhaps some of you are wondering how my Bolivia trip went… Great!! Mark and I met a lot of great people and saw a lot of projects that could become potential Bright Hope partners. The trip was exhausting, but entirely worth the sleepiness, high altitude headaches, long bus rides with no bathrooms, and numerous meetings every day. I ate lamb, cow tongue, utter, and other things I can’t remember for the first time. I also decided to be a little braver with the language, but ended up telling someone I had 24 brothers and that I was getting married in November. What I meant to say was that I was 24 years old and that I was returning home in November. That’s the same thing right? In general, people in Bolivia speak slower and clearer compared to the people in Chile, so I was able to understand a lot more than I usually can understand here. Well, except for that minor 24 brothers/getting married thing, of course. Since the trip, I’ve been working on getting information from the Bolivian projects and putting checklists and reports together so that we can move forward with the partnering process. Lots of work, but more inspiring to do after having been in Bolivia and seen the projects more directly. Check out the pictures and reports I posted on my facebook profile! Mark goes back on Wednesday with some people from Willow Creek…Keep them in your prayers as they travel around and meet with people!

And here’s the truth: I’m not in my comfort zone. I’m not quite myself. I feel a little homesick a little more every day. I’m also a bit lonely. So for those reasons and a few others, sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here.

But maybe sometimes being uncomfortable is right where you are suppose to be… at least for a little while. The stretch always hurts at first, but the leap afterwards makes it all worthwhile.

Alright folks, that’s enough deep introspection for now…

Until next week,

Chao!

PS: Someone eat some deep dish pizza for me and tell me how it is. That has got to be my first meal when I get back!

Week 4 – And so it begins…

I spent most of the past week working on project reports, checklists and translations. It’s given me a good introductory idea about all that is involved in starting a project, getting it funded, and keeping it going. Maybe one day I’ll start a non-profit, so this will all be good stuff to know.

Another thing I need to start working on while I’m here is my thesis paper to graduate. I’m slightly stuck on what I want it to be about. I need to involve a comparison from my concentrations in Latin America and Africa and use theories from my classes that I’ve had. I have a couple floating ideas…but am curious what ideas you might have. Any thoughts?

As far as language goes, I understand more spanish every day, but I really need to study some more on my own to refresh my memory on some grammar skills I’ve forgotten. I don’t want to sound like an idiot when I try to reply to people’s questions 🙂 It’s definitely helped that I’ve gotten to have so much interaction with people from the church, friends of the family’s, and…the maid.

Things that don’t make sense here:

Why everyone likes 80’s music from the US so much.
Why no one kisses the maid when they come in the room, but they will kiss a complete stranger.
Why everyone has a maid.
Why no one has a toaster, but everyone likes toast.

In other news – TOMORROW, I’m headed to Bolivia. I’m a bit nervous about it seeing as how its one of the poorest countries in South America, but it will be a good experience, and I’m hoping that we can make some good connections and meet some great people. I’ll be there until August 5th. Please, please keep me in your prayers! I know I will need them.

Until next week,

Chao!

Week 3 – Beach Break

Before getting into more internship work stuff, I took a break with the family and went to the beach. It was a nice relaxing break. Rather than tell you about how pretty it was, I will just show you pictures. Enjoy!

Week 2

Spanish is getting exhausting – I’m wondering when I will cross over the hump when things start to click. I don’t think I’ve gotten there yet. Right when I think I’m starting to understand things, someone starts talking really fast, and it all sounds smooshed together. I’ve realized that I like slow talkers 🙂

I finished up one week of Spanish classes this week at a place in Santiago. It was interesting more so because of the people that were in my class – people from France, Israel, Korea, and Australia. I didn’t really learn a lot though, because it was mostly review. Review is good though. I’ll start private lessons soon if I can, that will probably be even better.

At almost every social event I’ve been to this week I’ve embarrassingly spilled something on myself or on someone’s nicely decorated table. I’ve been to a lot of social events this week it seems. It’s been a great immersion into the culture and the people.

I’m starting to get the hang of things, but still have swings of homesickness wash over me. I’m doing ok, don’t worry. Next week we go to the beach for a little vacation. That’ll be wonderful and relaxing I hope.

Great pictures on the way!

Until next week…Chao!

NOTE: This post was suppose to go up on Sunday the 12th. Apologies for the delay!